Effective Psychotherapy

Thanks to P., who brought this video to my attention.

Most people look at old age with dread. The common image is of failing health, failing cognitive ability, and general misery.

However, new studies point out that this is not the case. Actually, older adults tend to be happier than the middle aged. Curiously enough, this finding is true across many countries and cultures.

It appears  that happiness, measured in many different ways, is shaped like the letter “U” across life. People tend to be happy and hopeful starting their life as young adults, in their twenties. Than stress, and the disappointments of life take their toll. There is steady decline of happiness until middle age. Than something suprising happens: In spite of all the losses that age may bring, people start to feel happier. Even after controlling for income level, health and many other variables the distinctive U shape is maintained. The lower point of happiness, averaged across many people, is around the age of 46. Even more surprisingly, average happiness during old age surpasses that of early adulthood.

At first glance, a cynical observer may be excused for thinking that this is wishful thinking of a cohort of ageing baby boomer researchers. Taking a closer look, the research appears valid and is worth understanding.

There are a number of explanations that may clarify this trend. One explanation is demographic. The stress of raising children passes as they leave the house and life becomes calmer. But this explanation is not enough by itself. It seem that the growing happiness is a result of inner transformation.

As young adults we feel the need to prove ourselves and we are constantly and restlessly striving. As middle age advances, we become more accepting of the point we have reached in life. We are able to enjoy what we have with less constant frustration over what we have not attained.

Maybe this is what is called wisdom.

At a later age, in spite off losses around them, people enjoy and value their time, in spite of difficulties that age imposes, precisely because they do not take the time they have for granted. Older people are less concerned over what others may think of them. They use skills they acquired over lifetime: They are better at managing their emotions. They are much less angry and judgmental. They are better at managing conflicts, so their support system is better.

Happiness is a valid goal in itself. It also has tangible benefits. Happiness has been shown to lead to  a healthier and more productive life.

The question is,  how can we accelerate our path along the happiness curve without having to wait for the passage of time.

adapted from an article published in the Economist, December 18th, 2010.

The Funny Thing

I love children’s books, fairy tales, and picture books. This books occupies a special place in my library and in my heart. It  teaches emotional intelligence to children and to adults  that take the time to read this book.

The story is about an old man (In fairy tales, the wise  are usually portrayed as old) . The old man tricks a monster, by taking advantage of the monster’s narcissistic traits. The monster used to eat little children’ s dolls; especially those dolls that belong to good children. The wise old man convinces the monster that she will grow more beautiful if she eats his very special food.  The special food is really just his normal everyday food that he has given a fancy new name .  The monster agrees to eat this special fancy food instead of little dolls. She does become more beautiful (the power of placebo?) but also becomes very self centered, disconnected from everyone, and nearly loses her power of speech. In the end the monster resides in a self created prison on a mountain.

This simple plot, beautifully illustrated,  teaches the reader the  basics of emotional intelligence, without excessive moralizing overtones.    The story shows how  narcissism  makes you vulnerable to manipulation; paralyzes you and makes your life devoid of meaning,  real love and  connection.

A different approach to mental health. Historically, psychology and psychiatry developed though trying to understand – and correct – pathology. Prof. Zeligman, one of the prominent psychologists today, recommends using our strengths. According to him our mental health consists not in overcoming our weaknesses but recognizing and using our strengths. It give a fresh look at the ancient saying “know thyself”. The site contains articles, videos, and self tests. The self tests are particularly helpful. We are so used to think in terms of our faults, that we forget to look at our strengths and use them more.

Positive Psychology Website