This checklist is taken from the Wikipedia, “Feeling Good” book  and other sources, with some changes and additions. As you go through this list try to  identify these patterns that you tend to use. It may be an  eye opener: You will realize that what sounded like “the reality”,  is indeed very subjective. This is the first step to start controlling those thought patterns, and influence your mood. You may want to keep track of these thought patterns in a journal.

1. Black and white thinking – No shades of grey. Thinking of things in absolute terms, like “always”, “every”, “never”.     If it is not perfect, it is a failure.
2. Overgeneralization – Taking isolated cases and using them to make wide generalizations. Generalization from one detail , or aspect of a situation, to the whole situation.
3. Mental filter – Focusing almost exclusively on  negative or upsetting aspects of an event while ignoring other positive aspects.
4. Disqualifying the positive – Continually deemphasizing  positive experiences.
5. Jumping to conclusions – Drawing negative conclusions  from little  evidence. Two specific subtypes:
   • Mind reading – Assuming you can read the feelings and thoughts of others. You know for sure what other people think of you, and of course is it negative.
   • Future reading –  Catastrophizing.  You expect the worst possible outcome, however unlikely. You ruminate about “What if”.
6. Magnification and minimization – Distorting aspects of a memory or situation through magnifying or minimizing them such that they no longer correspond to objective reality.  If you are depressed, often the positive characteristics of other people are exaggerated and negative characteristics are understated. The reverse  happens when you think about yourself.
7. Emotional reasoning – Accept your emotions as a valid evidence.  ”I feel therfore it is true”. If you feel stupid , than you are  stupid.
8. Should statements – You know the way things “should” be.  You have rigid rules which  always apply, no matter what the circumstances are. Using “should” statement  leaves you and others feeling preasured, guilty, and on the long run  jeopardizes any motivation for change. It does not allow you to be flexible and adapt to  changing circumstances.
9. Labeling –  Rather than describing  a  specific behavior, you assign a negative  label to yourself.  it is not the action that was a mistake, you are the mistake. Frequntly, you judge others as harshly as you judge yourself.
10. Personalization - Attribution of personal responsibility and guilt to yourself   for events over which you have no control.
11. False expectations: Assuming that other people should be able to read your mind, without any need of your part to express your emotions and needs.  Assuming that your happiness depends on somebody else.

Most breathing exerciese come from Pranayama  - a fundamental part of Yoga. The basic book on this subject  is  Light on Pranayama: The Yogic Art of Breathing by Ayengar, a renown Yoga teacher. From these exercises,  ”Alternate breathing”  is   the most beneficial  one for people that suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.

Most Yoga teachers do not teach breathing exercises in regular yoga classes, so you may need to ask for a private lesson. If you have never done it before, It is  advisable to learn under guidance.  If you have any medical condition, you may want to consult your health practitioner.

I know that there are similar exercises in martial arts. but I have not explored those. You may want to check with a local martial art teacher.

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The alien brought her to a secret gathering of a community of aliens, the “people”. The people are human-like aliens endowed with psychic powers, who live in a deeply spiritual community. They were scattered around after crash landing on Earth. Some individuals were separated and had to cope by themselves, hiding their real identity a coping with their “otherness”. Lea participated in many night gatherings, During these night gatherings the participants told their life stories.
Hearing the stories, in the context of a community, was the beginning of her recovery process. Lea initially did not want to believe in the wonder of life. She was reluctant to relinquish her pain and loneliness. Those, at least, were familiar. It took time before she really committed herself to the recovery process, and started to fight depression on her own.
Henderson’s prescription for recovery is twofold. She sees community and faith as the two prescriptions of recovery and life.
Lea’s recovery took place in the context of a community. When Lea looked around and heard so many stories about suffering , she asked herself where their strength comes from. And she answered herself: “ When anyone of them cries out the others hear – and listen. Not just with their ears but with their hearts. No matter who cries out – someone listens-“
Henderson sees depression as lack of faith. The lack of faith makes the world so bleak. Only faith can restore meaning to so much suffering. Only faith can mitigate the sense of loneliness.
There are other traditions within the mental health realm that consider faith and community as central components of recovery, such as all the self help groups that are AA based. Faith and participation in community are considered a prerequisite for recovery.
Henderson’s prescriptions for recovery are challenging. As a therapist myself, Can I prescribe faith or community? I do not know. Is faith, or community, always beneficial? Probably not. However, I find her intuition, that probably stemmed from her own experience, very inspiring.
Ingathering: The Complete People Stories of Zenna Henderson

One technique is recommended in  The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity [10th Anniversary Edition].

The instruction provided in the “Artists Way”   is  to write what ever comes to mind. You should let the written words pour out in a stream of consciousness with no regard or concern for literary value. The method is based on the assumption that no one will ever see your journal so you are free to write whatever comes to mind. In fact you are advised not to look back and reread what you wrote. It is the act of uninhibited writing that is therapeutic. This technique was initially developed to enhance creativity. Clinical experience shows that it support mental health as well.

People that are depressed should be cautious using this method. For some, it can be beneficial. Others may find that this method exacerbates their depression . They may use the free flowing journal to dwell on minor faults  and sorrows. These people may benefit more from a more structured way of journaling.

One of the simplest structured forms of writing a journal to help alleviate depression is, at the end of the day, to write down three things that you are grateful for.  It is important to persevere and to write down three real things that are unique; not to repeat oneself day after day. As simple as this may sound, studies have shown a beneficial effect of this method. It gradually alters the way we perceive our world.

Hello, Ron. I am here to talk to you. I hope I will be able to speak in favor of the side within you that still wants to live.

In any court of justice, even in a totalitarian state, every person is entitled to a defense, whereas you have appointed yourself as prosecutor, judge and executioner, all in one. I, therefore, demand the right to speak in your defense.

First of all, let me say that I understand that you are now at the very limit of the human capacity for endurance. The pain you are feeling is huge. I truly believe that your suffering is extreme and that the situation feels absolutely unbearable. It is a suffering that cannot be overcome, laid aside or forgotten. This unbearable suffering, this inhuman pain, must be stopped. Perhaps you also feel tired and weakened from the fight against forces that are too strong for you, against the ill-luck and the cruelty of your life.

I acknowledge your deep pain. I accept your feeling of no solution. I accept that you feel at the end of the road. Every human being may arrive to a point when one says: That’s it! I can suffer no more! I accept that you have reached this point.

Even so, I will try to speak for another way of viewing things. I believe that this different voice also deserves a say.

You may be asking yourself, who is this smart guy trying to convince me not to kill myself? Perhaps, in your eyes, I am just a professional who earns money to prevent you from killing yourself by any possible means. Please, believe me that, at this moment, as I speak to you, I am not just a psychologist, a policeman, an army officer or a social worker. At this moment, I am a scared human being who is awfully frightened by the act you want to commit.

Let me say first that I am not opposed in principle against suicide. I don’t think that suicide is always wrong or a sin. There are situations in which I would justify the feeling that it is better to die than to go on suffering. I would honor such a decision in such cases. If, after listening to me, you reach the decision that this is indeed your case and that there is absolutely no hope and no reason to go on living, I won’t disturb you anymore.

As I understand, Ron, for you there is only one way to stop the nightmare you’re going through: to end all feelings, thoughts, emotions and wishes. For you, the situation is not only terrible, but may even grow worse and worse. In your mind, the present suffering may be just the first step on the way to far greater suffering. Therefore, you may be saying to yourself: “I must put an end to my life, now! If I lack the courage to do so, I will suffer endlessly and have to start again from zero. I simply have no strength for this.” You may feel that you are absolutely alone with your problem and that nobody in the world can help you. In this lonely black hole, all you can see is pain, every possible solution melts in a haze, and the only solution seems to be death.

Maybe you are wondering why I am saying these things. Maybe you are thinking: “Is this the way you want to help me not to kill myself?” Of course not. I understand your wish to die, but , I also believe that there is something within you that wants to live. And I am here to give voice to this side too.

What I am trying to tell you is that I understand something about your despair. You didn’t get there out of laziness or neglect of possible solutions. I am sure that if you could only see any other way out, a glimmer of a solution, you would not want to die. This is why I respect your feeling and your intention: I think that, if you only could, you would choose to act differently.

I can see that, for you, life has lost its meaning once you failed in college. I guess succeeding in college had become your main challenge in life as well as a test of your personal value. It came to mean much more than just graduating. Failing, for you, is the proof that you can’t compete and that you belong at the bottom. It makes you feel you will never be able to show your face again or to look in the mirror.

Maybe you also think that the world will be a better place without you. People in your condition sometimes feel that, with their death, the world will be better off.

Maybe it is the other way around: you may feel so enraged, that you feel others deserve to suffer through your death. Maybe you feel that you were abandoned, betrayed, or mistreated. You may then feel that it is right to show the people who so acted towards you, how badly they’ve mistreated you.

Or, perhaps, in your awful condition, you simply don’t care. Other people may seem so far away that it may be difficult even to think about them, let alone consider their feelings. Compared to your terrible pain, everything pales. The only clear feeling and clear voice is the one that tells you that you must stop the pain, with no delay.

I want to confess to you, that, as I give voice to these feelings, I myself begin to feel some of your despair, misery and helplessness, I too become pessimistic and despondent.

I am now going to try to convince you not to kill yourself. I want to give voice to that other side within you, the one that still wants to live.

Let me promise, first, that, after this crisis, if you so wish, I will stay by you and try to help you achieve whatever solution that may be possible. I know that I cannot achieve the impossible, but I can promise you to try hard and to stay by your side. I will try to help not only with words, but also with actual support, to the best of my capability. I promise you that, when you get off the roof (or out of the bathroom, the cellar, etc.), I will not leave you. I will try to help you return to life. I am aware that I am now binding myself to you with a powerful commitment.

Perhaps you feel that your despair, depression, anxiety or rage is so terrible that you can’t even listen to anyone, even if he or she is reasonable. In this case I am willing to help you by more immediate means. You deserve to receive some instant relief and, if you so want, I will help you get the medication that may give it to you. Doctors sometimes hesitate to give such help because they are not sure the person really needs it. I have no doubt at all: you don’t deserve to suffer so much! You should have such help, if you so desire, until the other solutions begin to bear fruit.

You have listened to me so far, and I thank you for it. Maybe you agreed to listen to me because some of the things I said about your wish to die were true. Now, I want to ask you to bear with me and let me go over to the other side, to your side, and to speak as your attorney against death. Death is trying to convince you to move over to its side, whereas I will try to convince you to stay here.

One of death’s worst tricks is precisely to make the rest of the world seem so far-away from you that everything actually stops counting. By means of your suffering, death makes you feel that everybody else is vanishing. Not only your friends get distant. Your children, your siblings, your parents (the helper should, if possible, mention people by name) – all fade away. An infinite distance seems to separate you from anything or anybody that could count to you.

I think you are acquainted with situations in which a similar illusion develops. You know what happens, for instance, to someone with an awful toothache. Nothing else matters, everything loses its value, the only important thing is to stop the toothache. Or think of someone who is seasick. People who are seasick often keep saying “Let me die! I can’t go on!” Only the nausea counts. Nothing else is there. The very thought that one may want to eat, ever again, seems absurd. The sickness is all. Yet, the person with a toothache knows that it will not last for ever, and the seasick person knows that the nausea will pass, that it will be possible, once again, to live and to eat. Nobody kills himself or herself because of toothache or seasickness.

You may think it absurd that I compare your suffering with a bout of seasickness or toothache. Such a comparison sounds ridiculous, for no matter how awful the nausea or the toothache, one knows for sure that, after some time the suffering will be over, whereas you feel that your pain will never end. And yet, it is quite possible that your pain may end too. Now, if this is so, if even your awful pain happens to be temporary, then your decision to kill yourself must be a terrible mistake. Maybe you are actually being a fool in letting death cheat you so easily. Let us think, for a moment, what would happen if you could look back, after your death, over your decision to die? Imagine that you are dead and are now looking, from a distance, both at your death and at the possibilities that might have been awaiting you just round the corner, if you had continued to live. What would you think? It is quite possible that you would realize what a fool you were, how you fell glibly into that silly trap, how you let yourself be cheated by appearances! You may find out that you killed yourself in vain! It is possible that, if you could look back at your death in this way, you might actually say: “If I had only waited just a little more, I would have seen the first glimmer of hope! How foolish not to have waited, how blind! For this, I have killed myself?”

You see, Ron, you are now nineteen.

In killing the 19-year old Ron you will also be killing the 20-year old Ron, and the 30-year old Ron and the 40-year-old Ron. You will be killing also the Ron that will perhaps be a father and a grandfather. How can you choose for these other Rons, for a Ron that will be stronger and more mature? How can you choose for the Ron that you could become, but to whom you refuse to give a chance?

Many people have fallen into this trap, missing the ray of hope just beyond the corner. In effect, many of the people you see about you, living their daily lives as if nothing had happened, have gone through a suicidal crisis and overcome it. Most keep it secret, but I can tell you of dozens of people, some very famous, that have not only considered but actually tried to commit suicide in their youth. Fate wanted it otherwise and they lived. After a while they discovered that the whole thing had been an awful mistake. For their lives soon took a new turn.

With some of these people you will be able to talk if you so want. You’ve heard of some of them. For instance…

Their suffering was probably not smaller than yours. As luck would have it, they remained alive, and thanked their fortune for not having died.

I want to tell you that I, too, Ron, have once gone through a suicidal crisis. That’s why I believe, and I hope you may also believe, that I am really close to you now. I have been in a situation in which I seriously considered suicide and, were it not for the help I received, it is quite possible that I would not be here today. When I look back at that terrible day, and think that I might have then put an end to my life, I shudder. It is as if, at these moments, I can see myself from a distance after my own death and feel what a horrible mistake it would have been.

Soon after the crisis, I looked back and realized that my wish to die would have been an awful waste. I did not remain miserable for very long. I found my way back to life, to the pleasure of living, and life became worthwhile, to this day.

Now, Ron, I want to talk to you about something that perhaps you would rather not hear. I want to talk about what may happen to the people for whom you are dear: your parents, brothers, sisters, children, friends, people that you love and that love you (the helper should make use of all the knowledge at his disposal, or ask the suicide if he or she has parents, brothers, etc.). Crisis or no crisis, failure or no failure, for these people your suicide will be the beginning of an interminable horror. Your parents, for instance. We know a lot about people who lost their children. Many parents never overcome the death of a child. And it is even worse when the death is the result of suicide. To a parent who has lost a child, life turns into hell till his or her final day. You probably heard such parents say: “Would that I had died in your place!” These awful words will be uttered by your parents if you kill yourself.

The helper is now trying to open up the suicide’s tunnel vision by bringing to his awareness the suffering of others. The helper should not cringe from presenting this suffering as vividly as possible.

Your parents will not be the only ones to suffer. Brothers, sisters and, most of all, children are terribly damaged by the suicide of a dear one. To the end of their lives, children whose parents or siblings have committed suicide go on asking: “Why did he do that to me? He ruined my life!”

Perhaps you are actually angry with some of these people and may feel that they deserve to be punished. But, tell me, do you really believe that they deserve this punishment? Does any human being deserve to carry the pain of bereavement for every minute of every day and week and month and year of his or her life? It is far worse than a life-sentence! This is the most awful punishment possible. Even if you were an extremely vengeful person, I believe that, if you could actually see your relatives in the suffering to which you want to condemn them, you would think that even one month of such a life would be too much. To say nothing of those who are innocent! There must be many persons who did you no harm and to whom you are dear. I would bring them here, if I could, to talk to you and to beg for your life. Do you have children? Brothers? Sisters? A close friend? Grandparents? Maybe they didn’t know how to tell you that they love you, and how much they love you, so maybe you don’t know how dear you are, in spite of the daily hassles there are in every relationship. It is their right to talk to you at this time, but you don’t allow them this right. Therefore, because they are not here to talk, I am lending them my voice. I ask you – I demand from you: think about them!

Some professionals hold that the mention of close relations, especially parents, may be a mistake, because suicides can be strongly motivated by negative feelings, conscious or unconscious, towards them. We believe that these feelings are less dangerous when brought to the fore than when they remain underground. By mentioning the negative feelings, the helper is in a better position to mention other people towards whom the suicide may harbor positive feelings. Thus, if the suicide wants to punish the mother, what about the father, grandmother, brother, sister, girlfriend, boyfriend, son or daughter? It is hard to believe that the suicide is driven by a universal thirst for vengeance. The letters of suicides indeed show that the contrary is the case: most suicides care about what will happen to others, often trying to relieve them from all responsibility for their act.

You probably know what happens to the parents of a soldier who dies in the war or in an accident: they can’t stop asking: “What exactly happened? Did he suffer? Could he have been saved?” So will your parents and family. They will come to me and to others who were nearby and ask, again and again, what you said, how you felt, whether you suffered… None of my answers, or anyone else’s, would allay their pain. I ask you, therefore, to think that they are now by my side, asking and begging for your life – and for theirs.

And if you, yourself, have ever lost a dear one, you must know that what I am saying is true. You are acquainted with the pain and you know that by your act you will be widening the awful circle of bereavement, leaving behind you a curse that might bring ever more new people into it. Do you know that some of the people you love may come closer to suicide because of your act? It is known that the children or close relations of suicides are in a specially high risk of committing suicide later in life. Is this the legacy that you want to leave behind?

I ask you again to listen to what I am saying as if I was by your side, together with you, as if we both were in a debate with death. Death wants to capture you. Death lies and manipulates. Death cheats in trying to keep you from knowing or thinking about many things. Death tries to deafen your ears against the things I am saying. Death tries to hide the awful consequences of your act upon your loved ones. Death tries to hide from you the chances for a better life. That’s why it is so important that you have a defendant. I am trying to stand by your side against death, as your ally. I want to be your ally in the way back to life as well. We will think things out together and I will do my best to help you find solutions.

One more thing: you are now in a crisis, in a situation of deep despair. But I dare say that something positive may yet come out of all this. I believe that when the crisis is over, you will find yourself a stronger person, richer in experience and wisdom. You were in a horrible place where few people have been, and this is no small thing. There is strength in going through hell. You may find yourself enriched by more than the knowledge that you have survived. Those famous people that I mentioned, that tried to commit suicide, said that the crisis had made them stronger, and the same is true for myself. I think that, for you too, nothing will be the same again, because you were in hell and came back. Perhaps you cannot see this possibility right now, but it exists. The experience you are going through shakes you to your very foundations. For many people this was the turning-point in their lives. After such experience, most troubles may seem small in comparison. I am not saying that you will feel like this immediately. These things take time. However, I think that the worst is already behind you. I will stay with you for the next hours and be available for the next days and weeks. You allowed me to be with you in this most difficult moment. This creates a commitment. I want to be with you in your way back.

The full article, with the theoretical basis and references, can be found here.

This article was translated to Russian and Hungarian. If you are able and willing to translate it to any other language, please contact Avshalom Elitzur

If you read this article because you feel unsafe, please contact 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

There are two kinds of light therapy: Light box, and Dawn simulator.
Most people know about the light box; those you can find anywhere on the web. I would like to recommend the less well known device, called Dawn Simulator. Dawn simulator slowly lights a bedside lamp to simulate dawn. This simulates sunrise and tells your brain that it is time to get up and start the day. Absolutely no side effects, and it is amazingly effective. It has been shown  in studies to improve seasonal depression. It certainly can help you start your morning in a different tone. You can find very expensive ones on the internet, that contain also a lamp, a radio, and an alarm clock built in. Assuming you already have all of these, you may want to buy the most inexpensive on the internet. It is just as effective as any other. dawn simulator

There is nothing more relaxing that can mitigate depression, connect us to the world and ourselves, and give us better perspective. In the dead of winter, go to Matthaei Botanical Gardens

It has been shown that adopting and taking care of a furry friend can improve depression. You may want to look for them at the Humane Society Yes, I know. They kill those creatures that do not find a home. This is even a better reason to adopt from them. For cat lovers – humor can always lift the spirits and laughter has proven health benefits. Take a look at Funny Cats
This picture is taken from that site.